Back at last

So it's officially been over a year since my last post. Since most of you reading now are probably my family, I won't go into all the details of what has happened to making blogging difficult, such as the mutilated (now healed) right pointer finger, many stage managing jobs, and car accidents which cause lots of pain and discomfort and STRESS. To those who didn't know why I suddenly stopped blogging or in other ways disappeared, see the previous sentence for a brief overview. I am guessing that mutilated finger may be as much information as you need. (If you want a picture, though, I'd be happy to provide it. It's kind of cool?)

So I'm now officially a Northwestern Alumni! I currently only have a BA in Theatre but because of special dispensation by the dean of my school, I have until the end of June to finish two incomplete courses in religion that will finish up that major. In the end, I will have a BA in Theatre and Religion hopefully! The reason I have incompletes is mainly because of the bad car accident I was in on March 10th. I'll probably start writing about some of my experiences from that because it has definitely changed my life, probably in some good ways along with the bad.

The worst result of the accident was my loss of physical strength and ability. In the two months before the accident, I was finally back at full working condition, which for me includes being able to lift quite a lot of weight since I worked in a theater scene shop building sets. I was doing things like welding for several hours at a time and moving large set pieces for my show without aggregating my early back injury from 2005-06. Also, my finger had healed fully so I could take notes in class without being in pain, which greatly helps my academic achievement... Then the accident happened the weekend before Winter Finals and it was on the way to the opening day of the show I was working on with SGT. I don't want to go into details again but basically I suffered a concussion of some sort (although no bleeding in the brain), injuries to the hip and knee which healed the fastest, whiplash, back injury of some sort, and bicep tendonitis in my right shoulder where the seatbelt was holding me in the car (which was upside down, fyi). I guess that is enough detail to explain why three months later I still cannot really lift anything without hurting myself. It's extremely distressing, especially since I essentially had to quit my much loved job at the scene shop. My jobs have always been fairly physical, especially since starting to work professionally in the theater industry. A lot of theater jobs even require things like being able to lift 50-60 lbs.

My family and friends have been great about helping me out with moving things, letting me rest, and generally showing a lot of understanding to my frustration about my physical limitations. However, there are times when I'm alone when I really want to get things done but cannot physically accomplish them. For example, before my family came for graduation, I really wanted to move a bunch of stuff into the hall closet in order to make more room in the common area. It was too much for me to do so I had to ask my family to essentially "clean-up" for me when they arrived. My physical therapy is going well - I can use 3 lb weights for some of my exercises! - but I can't help wondering sometimes if these injuries are going to be semi-permanent. What if I can't hold my future children, nieces, or nephews because it will cause to much back pain? What if I can't get the jobs I really want just because someone made a huge mistake one morning and caused the horrible accident I was in?

I guess I'll just have to be patient for now. I can't help being frustrated for being weaker than I used to be but I try to remember what my mother told me a couple months ago. I'm paraphrasing but she said, essentially, "don't feel weak when you can't lift something - feel strong that you are following doctor's orders which will help you get better in the long run." I should get that tattooed on my body somewhere to remind me but hopefully it won't be needed in a few months...

Well, its time for me to go to bed but now that I'm back to blogging (especially since I"m officially graduated and unemployed), I hope to write about my graduation and post some pictures soon.

Thanks to all my friends, family, advisors, and strangers on the street who have offered me support in the last few months. And if you happen to be that fireman who helped me after the wreck, or the EMT who came to check on me in the ER, let me know...